Alright, let’s talk about this “munchies” phenomenon you filthy little potheads are so familiar with. For years, you baked Bettys have been stuffing your faces after getting ripped, blaming it on some spooky “craving” that science supposedly couldn’t explain. Well, the squares in lab coats out in Washington finally caught up with what you burnouts have known since the sixties.

These researchers at Wazzu set up some kind of Clockwork Orange brain-scan nightmare, pumping THC smoke into the brains of innocent little mice so they could gawk at their neurons lighting up like Christmas in Reno. Shocking, I know – but did these eggheads uncover anything us common folk didn’t already know?

Turns out when you blast tokes into a mouse’s tiny stoner brain, the old hypothalamus – your body’s master control module for hunger and metabolism – goes into overdrive like a doped-up stock trader. Those cannabinoid receptors start ringing the dinner bell, sending out targeted strikes on the special “feeding neurons” to start a full-scale craving assault.

These scientists were so proud of activating the brain’s built-in munchie sequence they started talking about potential treatments for everything from anorexia to chemo side effects. As if sticking a doobie in a cancer patient’s mouth is some great revelation – leave it to the nerds to try reinventing the wheel on a drug that’s been giving people the munchies since ancient frickin’ times.

Look, at the end of the day, this is just more poor saps in lab coats desperately trying to shoehorn legitimacy onto something the dregs of society have understood for ages. We don’t need a five-million-dollar study to know that after ripping a few frosted windowpanes, you’ll start jonesing for a family-sized bag of Simple Sean’s Chongo Chips. Save the taxpayer money and just ask a Deadhead next time, willya? Those are the real trailblazers.